Voicemail QuickStart Guide

  Apple TV Pr0n 
  Originally uploaded by Jeff Carlson.

My wonderful copyeditor on my current book project made a funny side comment in email asking if I could explain her cell phone company some day in the same way that I describe how to do things in my books (embarrassingly, that page hasn’t been updated in a while). Of course, she wasn’t expecting an answer, and of course I provided one:

1. Push Voicemail button on teeny screen.
2. Listen as annoying female voice tells you that an old message is going to be deleted, and then plays it for you.
3. Resist urge to throw phone.
4. Press 7 to delete the damn email that I didn’t keep in the first place.
5. Resist urge to throw phone.
6. Listen as annoying female voice tells you that you have a new message, tells you the time it was recorded, and asks if you want to listen to it.
7. Resist urge to throw phone.
8. Press 1 to listen to the message you dialed up Voicemail to hear in the first place.
9. Recognize that the message is a wrong number, a missed connection, or someone you know you don’t need to hear.
10. Press 7 to delete message.
11. Resist urge to throw phone when annoying female voice scolds, "That is not a valid option."
12. Listen to same message, again, FROM THE BEGINNING.
13. Annoying female voice asks if you want to delete the message. Say "Yes!" even though you know she can’t hear you (but maybe the government can).
14. Press 7 to delete.
15. Give in to the urge. Throw phone.

Yes, I’ve run into this (almost verbatim) recently. Can you tell?

Published by Jeff Carlson

Author, photographer, and late-nighter Jeff Carlson writes for outlets such as Popular Photography, DPReview, Creative Pro, and others, and is a contributing editor for TidBITS. He is the author of Take Control of Your Digital Photos; The Photographer's Guide to Luminar AI, Take Control of Apple Watch, and Take Control of Your Digital Storage, among many other titles. View all posts by Jeff Carlson